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Uisge Beath

August 12, 2009

26th Aug 2006

whiskyMy grandfather smoked a pipe and drank whisky every day. He died when he was 86. My father smoked but was teetotal. He died when he was 75. Conclusion, – if you want to live longer, drink whisky. (It’s not for nothing that we Scots call it uisge beath – ‘water of life’).

surgeonI mention this little anecdote demonstrating the life-preserving properties of whisky to illustrate how little modern doctors actually know. Despite years of training (at our expense), they emerge at the end with a very narrow view of medicine.

Following a recent health scare which necessitated a brief stay in hospital undergoing chest x-rays, frequent ECG checks, and repeated questioning about my lifestyle, the doctors suggested my alcohol consumption may have been a contributory factor in my condition. In vain did I protest that drinking whisky was a form of ‘alternative medicine’ the benefits of which were irrefutable.

Worst of all, however, the ‘bastards’ told Mrs D their opinion!!!

Oh, the arguments we have had since then! However, I am a reasonable man. Mrs D and I have discussed this fully and I have proposed a compromise. I will continue to have the same number of ‘nips’ per day, but from now on I will add water to my whisky rather than drink it ‘neat’.

Mrs D greeted this proposal in silence. She glared stared at me for a moment then turned and left the room. I think she was so taken aback at the noble gesture on my part – the sacrifice I was prepared to make -that she was literally lost for words. I suspect she is currently considering my proposal, and her response.

It is, I am sure, my attentiveness to her wants and wishes, and my readiness to compromise that has contributed to the success of our many years together. As I remind Mrs D., often, she was surely blessed the day she met me!

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. August 12, 2009 4:01 am

    Mrs. D. just loves you and wants you to hang around as long as possible!

    • August 13, 2009 6:03 am

      Might have known you ladies would stick together.

      Don’t be fooled into thinking Mrs D’s a ‘good un’ – wait till you hear what the bitch she did next !!!

      • August 13, 2009 7:14 am

        Ohhhhh I’m thinking after that comment, she poured out all of your Uisge Beath and beat you over the head with the empty bottle!

        If she hasn’t yet, be prepared…

      • August 13, 2009 8:22 am

        I’m always on my guard for unprovoked assaults on my person by Mrs D 😉

  2. August 14, 2009 6:48 am

    As an ex-medic I fully endorse your thoughts about many of my ex-colleagues.

    However, I hasten to add, none of those who have ever treated me!

    Whisky cures almost everything IMHO.

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