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Spirit in the Sky

August 19, 2009

13th Oct 2006

I bought a new radio today for the kitchen. Not that there was anything wrong with the old one – except it used to belong to Mrs D’s dad.

Mrs D and I spend a lot of time in our kitchen. We use it as the main room in our house. Trouble was, Mrs D’s dad had taken to hanging around the kitchen too.

Mrs D came into the kitchen the other day while I was talking to him.

F*ck Off, you old bastard!

Hey, that’s no way to talk to my dad” , she said.

Well, he’s getting on my tits”, I replied. “He’s been . . .

messing with the radio again

All the same”, she said. “Show some respect. This is a new experience for him. He’s confused.”

Come on, Dad”, Mrs D said.”Time for you to go. You can’t keep hanging around here. Mum’s waiting for you

They never got on before‘, I said. ‘What makes you think they’ll get on now? He’s probably hanging around here because he’s hiding from her


When he grew into his 70’s, Mrs D’s dad took to ‘ wandering’. He was so successful in this pursuit that we ‘lost’ him several times – but someone always brought him back (Bastards!). In early April though, we thought we had lost him for good – until he turned up in our kitchen and started messing with the radio. To be fair, it was his radio to start with. It was almost new, and our own one had seen better days, so when we were clearing his flat out, Mrs D decided she would take the radio.

At first, we didn’t realise it was him – we each assumed the other had switched it on. What started us thinking was when the radio started coming on when neither of us was in the room. I checked to make sure it wasn’t programmed to come on at certain times. Although relatively new, the manual did not mention the radio possessing any such feature. Also, it seemed to have a mind of its own. There would be days when nothing happened, then ‘Wham!”. Sometimes it would come on in the middle of the night, sometimes when we were having breakfast, sometimes in the evening when we were watching TV. There didn’t seem to be any pattern to it that I could see, although Mrs D claimed it often came on while she was on the phone to her brother.

Sometimes when it came on, the volume would be low, so it would be quite a while until we realised it was our radio playing and not part of the TV program we were watching. Other times it would come on at full volume. When it did come on, though, it was impossible to adjust the volume or turn it off, other than disconnecting it from the mains. And, spookily, even that did not always work – and, yes, I checked, there were no backup batteries fitted!  Hitting the Volume control or the ‘Power’ button on the radio simply had no effect. On one occasion when we had visitors round and the radio came on they all tried, without success, to turn the bloody thing off!

Finally, even Mrs D became exasperated when he turned the radio on one Sunday – at full volume – just as she was taking the roast out of the oven. Startled, she burnt her hand on the oven and dropped the roast on the floor .

chips_n_curry_sauce150For F*ck sake, dad!”, she screamed – momentarily forgetting her stricture to me to treat her dad with respect.

I fussed over her, of course. Ran her hand under the cold tap, consoled her over the loss of the Sunday Roast, and treated her to a slap up meal  round at the pub instead – bowl of chips with curry sauce.

I know what you’re thinking. And you’re right. I do spoil her rotten !!!

Through all this, Mrs D has taken a strange sort of comfort from the peculiar behaviour of her Dad’s radio – seeing it as a sign from her dad that there is ’something’ else after death. I take it as a sign that …

a). her dad is the same irritating old git now as he was when alive, and …

b), if there is such a place as ‘heaven’, then its not all its cracked up to be if Mrs D’s dad would rather spend his time in our kitchen (nice though it is) than there.

It’s been a couple of weeks now since the radio last switched itself on and Mrs D has decided that her dad has finally ‘moved on’. I’m taking no chances. I bought a new radio today and dumped the old one down at the local skip. Let’s see if the old bugger can find his way back to our house from there!

6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 19, 2009 5:21 am


  2. August 19, 2009 5:22 pm

    Whatever was doing it, the dump was the best place to inter it…

  3. August 19, 2009 6:37 pm

    I had to read it twice to fully get it!

  4. August 21, 2009 5:43 am

    I’m sad now. You should have kept the radio and just moved it to the porch or something. Now he can’t come back anymore.

  5. October 10, 2010 12:55 pm

    That would be a shock to have a radio suddenly with a mind of it’s own. Interesting note that the radio often came on when Mrs. D was talking to her brother. I enjoyed reading this story, thank you.

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