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Boy or Girl ?

September 11, 2009

4th Mar 2007

dog_wearing_underwear-11945-200I recently adopted a puppy. However, I fear ‘Wee Rab’ is confused about his sexuality. He has taken to wearing women’s clothing. Oh, I know where he’s getting these strange ideas from – it’s that tart across the road. She’s been leading him astray. Setting him a bad example.

Anyway, every morning Mrs D lays the clothes she’s planning to wear that day on the bed before she has her shower. While she was soaping her ‘bits’ the other day, I found Wee Rab wearing her knickers – on his head.

The following morning I caught him slipping out of the bedroom with her bra. After a brief tug-of war in the hallway I managed to retrieve Mrs D’s lingerie – he put up a stiff fight, and it was touch and go for a moment as to which of us would be the eventual winner, but he didn’t reckon on me fighting ‘dirty’ – I showed him the chocolate biscuit I was holding in my other hand!

Mrs D thinks this is a phase Rab’s going through, but I’m not so sure. I’m worried this ‘cross-dressing’ might be a sign of something more sinister. Thinking he was spending too much time surrounded by women (our other two dogs are bitches), I took the ‘wee man’ round the pub to meet some of the ‘lads’. Davie from the flats opposite was there with ‘Rocky, the Rottweiler’, and Harry from No 9 was there with Hamish, a West Highland Terrier. Rab was excited to meet new friends and after the customary nose-to-tail hellos had been completed, settled down to share a packet of Dorritos with his new pals.

All was going well until I asked Rab what he wanted to drink.

I put a clean ashtray on the floor for him. He turned his nose up at Brew XI. He refused to try Bombadier or Old Speckled Hen. Tangle Foot, Fursty Ferret, Bishops Finger, Spitfire, and Londons Pride were likewise spurned. To my acute embarrassment, he finally opted for ……. lager!

Davie and Harry gazed at me with a pitying look in their eyes – Bastards!

I haven’t been able to sleep for worry. I’ve got a cross-dressing dog who likes poofter drinks like lager instead of real ale. Where did I go wrong? I have tried to interest him in more manly pursuits like football and rugby. I invited some of the lads (not Davie or Harry!) round to watch the footie on the small black and white portable TV in our kitchen. Rab, however, preferred to sit with Mrs D watching soaps on the large colour flat screen TV in the living room!

In fact, I’m worried he’s spending too much time watching TV. In addition to being a cross-dressing, poofter, after watching all those Dulux ads on TV, he seems to think he’s a Labrador rather than a Jack Russell. –

2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 11, 2009 6:54 am

    I think Poor Wee Rab needs a good strong Male role Model. Where are you going to find one? 😉

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