Skip to content

NHS Buggery !!!

January 13, 2010

12th Mar 2009

Went to see my GP a couple of weeks ago, – rapid weight loss, swollen stomache, difficulty passing stools – cancer an obvious concern. She asked a few questions, poked her finger up my arse, then arranged for some blood tests to be done.

Saw her on Monday for the results – every thing OK, and stool samples showed no sign of blood – but despite this, she felt an urgent referral for a sigmoidoscopy was needed (gulp!!!)

My appointment was at 2pm. I handed my letter in at the desk and sat waiting for my name to be called

Duncan Robertson

Fuck !!!

My heart stopped – I recognised that voice – ‘Liz’

There must be hundreds of nurses working in this hospital. They work funny shifts, and move around from ward to ward etc. So the probability that the one nurse I know in the place would be on duty, in a different part of the hospital to that in which I’d last seen her when I came for my urine test, must be very small indeed. Yet there she was – a big grin on her face.

Hi Duncs’, she said. Then in a loud voice – ‘What’s it this time – can’t shit properly?’

I cringed with embarrassment as heads turned towards us. Bloody NHS. I knew I should’ve gone ‘private’. A ‘proper’ nurse would have said ‘defecate’!!!

You know what’s going to happen, Dunc? They told you about ramming that dirty big scope up your arse?

I nodded – weakly !

Don’t worry’, she said. ‘You’ve got a very nice lady doctor to see you today. I’ve told her you’re a friend of mine and she’s promised to be very gentle with you.

By the way, I didn’t get a Xmas card from you – lost in the post, I daresay. Nevermind, I know you love me really!

So saying, she pinched my bum and walked off.

I swear her shoulders were shaking with laughter

‘Bitch !!!’

Advertisements
2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 14, 2010 7:52 pm

    ‘sigmoidoscopy’?

    You know where you can shove that!

  2. January 17, 2010 5:38 pm

    Never offend a health professional; you never know…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: