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10, 9, 8 . . .

March 17, 2010

15th Dec 2009

Only 10 more sleeps till Xmas.

Mrs D has been keeping herself occupied the last few weeks shopping on line – not being able to get out of bed has not prevented her from filling our spare room with presents to be distributed on the day 🙄

It’s been a long time coming, and way back in July when we were told she had just days (possibly weeks, but certainly NOT months) left to live, the thought that she might still be here to see one final Xmas seemed like a wild – if not impossible – dream.

Only 10 more sleeps. Tantalisingly close. Today though it looks like Mrs D may fall at the final fence.

It’s been a long, long day – and it’s only 7.30pm

McMillan Nurse, District Nurse, G.P. have all been round this morning.

Mrs D awoke shortly after midnight, in pain (as usual) but this time the pain was compounded by an inability to breathe – which led to a panic attack (her and me both), making the breathing problem even worse.

She is very close to the end now. We both know this. She has lost so much weight, she looks like a corpse clinging to life. Today, though, there was no life in her eyes – only pain.

The McMillan nurse has alerted staff at the Hospice to be ready if I need to call them during the night to come and fetch her.

In the meantime, Mrs D has been asleep since mid-morning and I have spent the day watching over her – checking every so often that she is still breathing.

Only 10 more sleeps to go. Sadly, I have a great fear that while 2 of us may sleep tonight – only one of us will awake in the morning !!!

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. March 17, 2010 1:00 am

    [originally posted 15th Dec 2009]

    Duncan,

    I don’t know what to say, mate… I really don’t.

    I had an inkling that something was ‘up’ today, not only as you hadn’t been around, but just a feeling of unease about things.

    As ever, best wishes to you both.

    Mic

    • March 17, 2010 1:00 am

      [originally posted 15th Dec 2009]

      There aren’t any words to make our situation better, Mic

      Indeed, actual words are irrelevant now – it’s the thought that lies behind the words that matter – that make a difference. Knowing we are in your thoughts is a help. Thanks !!!

  2. March 17, 2010 2:56 am

    duncs…this is so touching. even though i know the outcome, it still touches me deeply.

  3. March 17, 2010 6:25 pm

    Wow, it’s hard to grasp how difficult those last weeks must have been for all involved.

    • March 17, 2010 11:45 pm

      Duncan will doubtless whinge at me for saying this, but his skill at writing about Anita’s final few weeks had a profound effect on me.

      My above comment from last December summed up how I felt for a few weeks. Although I have never met Duncan or Anita, I felt so closely involved in their plight that my first thoughts on waking in the morning were based around wondering how Anita was, and how Duncan was coping. This concern was with me through the day, and whenever Duncan was not actively involved in the MH I feared the worst.

      • March 18, 2010 12:55 am

        You were not alone, I had days where I first checked MH to see if Duncan was around w/ his normal pile of assorted blogs…and worried when he was not.

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