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The Last Post

March 26, 2010

I would like to thank everyone for reading and commenting on this blog.

I had the good fortune to spend almost 23 years of my life with a wonderful woman. I hope I have succeeded in conveying in this blog just how special she was

When we were given the news that she had lung cancer, we scoured the internet for information on treatment options and her likely life expectancy. It was terribly dispiriting to find that the doctor’s pessimistic forecast that her time was to be counted in weeks or a few short months was correct. We took strength, however, from the thought that these statistics were reporting the ‘average’ life expectancy. We determined that she would not be ‘average’ – that she, instead, would be the exception. We searched Cancer support forums online and read the ‘diaries’ of those few others in similar situations who had beaten the odds. That gave us strength and encouragement to fight on even in the darkest moments. if some people could do it, we thought – then we could too. And we did. We had nearly 3 years together after the cancer was diagnosed – instead of the 4-6 month the doctors and the statistics suggested was the best we could hope for.

Just as we gained strength and hope from other cancer victims and their carers who posted their stories online so too do I hope that others may read this blog and take some strength and encouragement from it. The end may be inevitable but you can postpone it for a while, making the most of your remaining time together

Though this is the last post in this blog, it will remain ‘live’ for people wishing to read and post comments

Although Anita has left me, I still have my memories of her – and in the unlikely event that I should ever forget what she looked like, I have photographs to remind me. And thanks to modern technology, I can listen to her voice whenever the mood takes me.

In the days following her death, I would ofttimes dial her cell phone and listen to her voicemail message – while it made me cry, being able to hear her voice made me feel less alone – less as if I had lost her forever. Fearful that there may come a time when her voicemail message would no longer be available, I had No 2 son ‘capture’ her message and convert it to an MP3 file for me.

You have seen photographs of Anita. Now hear her voice bring this blog to a close

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. March 26, 2010 3:13 am

    I think this blog will be a comfort and an inspiration for many years to come, not just for yourself, but many others you may never even know about. You will touch many lives.

  2. March 26, 2010 1:24 pm

    I agree with Jill, this is such a powerful blog. I believe it has helped me in some way as well.

    As for her voice, that’s great. The photo is one I like the best of all I’ve seen… love her accent. I am so glad you were able to save that, 20 years ago we really didn’t have that technology, or the thought to do something like that!

    Thanks. And, since I’m on a caregivers’ theme right now I might reference it and add a link if you don’t mind?

    • March 26, 2010 2:12 pm

      Feel free to do so, Laura. I would be honoured if you did

  3. March 26, 2010 8:32 pm

    Well done mate.

    I know how hard it was for you to write these final chapters.

    Hells teeth! I’m sniffing and my eyes are watering. It must be this curry that I’m eating…. it can’t be anything else, can it?

  4. March 27, 2010 6:41 pm

    This blog has already been of great value to many and will continue to be so in the future; written with care, courage, blunt honesty and touching humour. Well done Duncan.

  5. April 6, 2010 12:09 pm

    I have this awful knack of putting my foot in it and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, so I’m just going to “HUG” my friend Duncs, and say thank-you to both you and Anita – it was a wonderful, beautiful, humorous, very sad and touching journey that I took with both of you! xxxxx

    • April 7, 2010 7:46 pm

      Love you, Jules – you, Nobbly, and Nosey each lent me strength when I needed it most

      Dunc xx

  6. July 19, 2010 1:16 pm

    Duncan – I had no idea.
    Have been away for a long time – otherwise engaged, too busy to look at my blog let alone anyone else’s – that reading your beautiful entries about Mrs D have come as a huge shock. I am so sorry for you, for her, for everyone that loves you both, and I am sorry that I didn’t visit before.
    What a wonderful, heartfelt memorial to a very special woman. You have done her proud.
    With lots of love, WIB XXX

  7. November 3, 2013 3:25 pm

    I just found this. You will probably never see this but I am sorry I missed you while you were here. You have a wonderful writing style. And a great message. Your love is inspiring. You were both blessed with almost a quarter century of blessings. I hope you come back. I am sure you have much more to share. I agree with Jill. This blog will be a soft place to come back to for you someday and for many just finding it. I am following anyway in hopes of your return.

  8. November 6, 2013 3:54 am

    Duncan-I have just been reading your posts. Years late, this brings my heartfelt sympathy. Thank you for sharing this. Know that it will indeed help me to keep my own life in a positive light. All the very best.

  9. March 30, 2014 1:43 am

    I just found this today. I’m so sorry for your loss. You have done something amazing with this blog, you gave hope. That is the best gift ever. Your wife was a beautiful person.

    • April 1, 2014 7:34 pm

      thank you – she was indeed

      I wouldn’t wish anyone to have to go through what we did but if anyone finding themselves in a similar situation stumbles across this blog, I hope they can draw some comfort and support from these posts and that in some small way they help others fight their own battle with cancer

      It would be too easy to to give in, but while there is life there is hope and if you have the support of loved ones and can retain a sense of humour there is much still to be gotten out of what time you have left

      If we can laugh at death then we diminish its power to frighten us !

      • April 6, 2014 5:23 am

        I don.t hare cancer, and my heart goes out you.They can’t decide which wrong and why I fall dizzy episodes. It’s the mystery of the brain and what they don’t known about the would fill book.

        Your writing is great. And really helped me trough a hard, you are right in saying where there is hope. you never know.

        I’ve always gone with if you are still breathing, then hope is there.

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